The Hearse Ride...
Friday, July 13, 2007
I'm such a fuck up!! I should be ashamed of myself, but that is a feeling that doesn't seem to hit me, or if it does, I drug it away. I wish I had the courage to get rid of myself, but I don't, I feel responsible for too many lives to tear them apart like that. I've seen what suicide can do, that is why I live on the edge. I lost it 3 years ago, and my sister took over taking care of Granny. But alias, all good things must come to an end...she literally kicked Granny out, and guess where Granny went?
I don't feel like there is a place for me to turn to, within my family, because time and time again I get the same Bullshit story about them having their lives to live.....What about me?????
Am I a figment of their imagination, ....a convenient babysitter for the person no one seems to give a shit about???
Is that what I have to look forward to???
BULLSHIT!!! Bull Fucking Shit!!!!!
I'm so angry lately, all these emotions I've tried to keep at bay, are getting intermingled, and I'm literally losing control. I have a few drinks, and BAM it all falls apart.
Here in Florida, they have something called The Baker Act. Where if they the authorities think you are a danger to yourself or others, you can be committed to a psych hospital. The problem there is that you may never get out, because if you don't pass their standards, you stay in. I'd much rather take my chances out here, and go wacko!!! Then to be compartmentalized by a State that really doesn't give a flying fuck about me!!
I'm just worn out. I'm soooooooo past due a vacation, it's been at least 5 years since I've had a vacation.