The Hearse Ride...
Monday, March 30, 2009
My so-called Suicide
I'm gonna expose myself here, not like it really matters, because no one reads this site,...but here goes!!
I'm gonna KILL MYSELF!!
There that's done.... so easy,..just pecks on the keyboard!!
There IS NOTHING you can do about it,...because there is no one HERE,..but me!!..oh and my cats,..but I'll leave 20# of food open for them,...hopefully I'll ROT soon,..and the smell will PISS neighbors off,..and they will call EMS. If not,..what DO I CARE!!
I've tried FOR YEARS TO MAKE SENSE OF MY LIFE,...BUT THERE IS NONE...I'm just a WASTE of THOUGHT!!
Ugly and WAAAAAY TOOOOOOO Emotional!!! (My Downfall)
BYE
I'm gonna KILL MYSELF!!
There that's done.... so easy,..just pecks on the keyboard!!
There IS NOTHING you can do about it,...because there is no one HERE,..but me!!..oh and my cats,..but I'll leave 20# of food open for them,...hopefully I'll ROT soon,..and the smell will PISS neighbors off,..and they will call EMS. If not,..what DO I CARE!!
I've tried FOR YEARS TO MAKE SENSE OF MY LIFE,...BUT THERE IS NONE...I'm just a WASTE of THOUGHT!!
Ugly and WAAAAAY TOOOOOOO Emotional!!! (My Downfall)
BYE
18 Comments:
MP reads here, and because of that I came by. I will hold you in prayer today.
Thank You Paul.
David,
I also came here from MP's site and will hold you in my prayers.
Brenda
Came running from MP's. WTF? You're in my prayers.
I read your post on Maddie's that you're ok. Will continue to pray anyway.
David this despair is horrible...are you drinking everyday? Honest, trust me, alcohol is a depressant...if you are drinking a lot, and find no way out or anyway of stopping you can find solutions...but you must be willing...everything can change and you can heal, have your life back and face your everyday dilemmas with less frustration and pain...but self-destruction is such a HUGE loss and you are a very talented person who ought have some freedom to LIVE!
Love,
Len
I, too, came from MP's site. Know that a community is praying for you. Please let someone who is near know how you feel.
No, ..I drink once a week...because I can't handle drinking everyday, (unlike my Sister & Brother) ... I get super guilty when I drink,..doesn't matter if I did wrong or not!!
Yea, ....Booze would be a good scapegoat for my behavior. (INSANE)
Maybe I should use that excuse!?!
I am glad you are still with us.
Just look at this blog of yours! It's beautiful. I've never seen such a beautiful background for a blog. I love that you've taken such care in creating something beautiful. It inspires me to want to create something beautiful too. My own blog is kind of boring.
We are all in this life together, and we need one another, and are affected by one another. When you are diminished, I am diminished. When you create something elegant, like this blog, I am inspired. Even from Florida to where I am in Texas, we are part of the same fabric.
Later today I am going to the shore. I will be conscious about feeling the wind and sun, I will probably wade in the cold water and let it enliven me... and I'll do all that twice today. Once for me, and once as a prayer that you too can really love life.
lindy
Lindy, that was beautiful!!
I hate feeling this way, ..but I can't seem to help it. (I really do get lonely), ...living alone..here and now,..usually I LOVE TO BE ALONE,...but not so much now!!
David,
I came here from Mad Priest's. I have had my own struggles, and been where you are, and I'll keep you in my prayers. Hang on.
Pat.
Yeah, I've been there and I know you can't help it. And, it's not just you. None of us can get ourselves out of depression. If you could, you would. Right?
But, there are other people who can sometimes help. Just as a suggestion, why don't you make an appointment with your doctor? Depression can be caused by a lot of things, some of them physiological. And there are medications that can help too. It's usually hard to find the one that will work best for you, and that can be frustrating, but keep trying until you find one that works. Also, studies have shown that the most effective treatment for depression is a combination of medication and talk therapy so, if you can afford it, maybe check in with a therapist. At least it would give you someone to bounce your thoughts off.
It seems like you are smart and creative, and that makes me think that you will be able to get out of depression. But, do get some help.
I also am a reader of MadPriest. Your post reminds me of some terrible times that I have every so often. I have always called them Firestorms.
My thoughts are with you. Hang on tight.
Rylee
Hey, David,
I am thinking abut you and hope you realize how many people care about you.
Please hang on. Call someone. Don't let the wicked witch win.
David, G., I'm thinking of you and praying for you, too. I'll tell you what I'm thinking, "Don't do it, David."
Love and blessings, Mimi.
((((((((David))))))))))) Praying for you...
My dear young man - I'm praying for you. Don't let the darkness fool you into believing you're alone. If I value you - and I most definitely do - then you are indeed one of the very finest.
Keep talking - we all cherish your voice.
I'm okay,
I just need to get a handle on all that is going on around me, with family and my so-called life.
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